


wheels like dandelions passing by

by cuppydogcity



Series: it's a walk-along day [3]
Category: Half-Life
Genre: (to arrive..), Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining, Romance, Selectively Mute Gordon Freeman, all characters/relationship tags will be stronger later i'm just getting them out of the way, it will get a little darker in later chapters but it wont venture too far.., rated for the occasional swear, update: the darker chapter has arrived, wahey multichapter time...
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-12
Updated: 2020-09-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:14:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25857997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cuppydogcity/pseuds/cuppydogcity
Summary: Barney and Gordon's relationship throughout the years.
Relationships: Barney Calhoun & Alyx Vance, Barney Calhoun & Eli Vance, Barney Calhoun & Gordon Freeman, Barney Calhoun & Isaac Kleiner, Barney Calhoun/Gordon Freeman
Series: it's a walk-along day [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1856044
Comments: 27
Kudos: 133





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> im sorry! im so bad at summaries and also tags i haven't done a multichapter thing in such a long time.. they will likely change <:~]  
> also sorry for the wait!! this is the next installment of 'it's a walk-along day!'! i'm running out of lyrics to use...  
> i promise it gets better from the first chapter <:D!  
> i really hope you enjoy!! updates will be .. hopefully soon! i'm having fun with it so let's hope they're not too far apart! :-)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barney meets the new guy.
> 
> (note from sept 9th: hi! sorry it's been a while :D the next chapter is going to be up tomorrow!! right now im just going back and editing the first and second chapters, just small stuff like sentences and dialogue changes. after this installment of the series is over, i'm gonna go through the other installments and do the same!! thank you so much for reading, you've all been so wonderful :~])

Barney didn’t want his first meeting with the new guy to be like  _ this _ . 

Kleiner had been buzzing with excitement for  _ weeks,  _ now, over the fact that his favourite student was going to work with them. Something, something, Austria, something MIT, something something PHD in theoretical physics at 27, something something.

To be entirely honest, at first Barney was a little jealous, kinda resentful of the guy - the typical sting of seeing someone only a year older than him already being so accomplished (it’s not his fault his 2 years of community college only led to a crappy security job instead of anything more glamorous!) just like he’d always sort of envisioned himself being when he was younger.

Yeah, a low-grade security guard wasn’t exactly a job you look forward to.

After watching Kleiner and Eli talk about the guy, though, he actually started to feel excited to meet him.

If their stories were true (which, y’know, he wouldn’t count on), he sounded like a real hoot - it’d be good to have some more friendly faces around here, too, especially ones around his age.

A scientist that was under the age of 50 was a novel sight in Black Mesa.

He’d made a joke about that back during one of his first few weeks, something about Jurassic Park and  _ ‘weren’t the dinosaurs supposed to be outside the lab?’ _ , but the only people who laughed were Eli and Kleiner, roaring things that started off stilted but quickly progressed into full-body spasms. 

All three of them were then told off by Magnusson for being ‘disrespectful’, but that had instead forged a bond between all three, and Barney had successfully been adopted into their little group.

After that, he’d stuck pretty close to them - a mix of him almost always being scheduled there anyway, as well as the fact that not many scientists favoured him after that.

He was actually really looking forward to another person joining their group if all went well; Azian joined up with them sometimes, but she was basically the entire brain of the biology division, so there wasn’t a lot of time for her to actually hang out during work hours. It was a real pity, she was a riot and one of the best UNO players the world’s ever seen.

The past few days have been filled with trying to plan his first meeting with Gordon.

Unusual for him, Barney’s pretty sure he’s got a solid plan - he’d be leaning casually against the soda machine, sipping some Pepsi or something, and the new guy would walk up.

Barney would make small talk and wow Gordon with some anecdotes, slip in how he knows Eli and Kleiner, too,  _ wow mutual friends isn’t that crazy _ , and then they would be buddies.

Maybe offer him a tour of the facilities, the whole shebang. Easy peasy, right?

  
Yeah, he had thought so, too.

“So.. You’re the new guy, huh?” Barney had led with a cool phrase, leaning coolly against the soda machine in a cool way he hoped didn’t give off the amount of practicing against his fridge that he’d done.

It garnered merely a brisk nod from Gordon, who was drinking his own soda.  _ Fanta _ , ugh, but, whatever, he wasn’t here to judge people for their soda tastes. His mind was firmly set on making a friend.

He followed Gordon’s gaze to the cork board, where he was studying it intently.

Maybe he was just.. really into passive-aggressive reminder notes from disgruntled scientists and years-old flyers for events long discontinued (mostly for health and safety reasons.)?

That was probably it.

“Yeah, Kleiner and Eli told me about you. You know, me and them are kind of work buddies. I heard you guys know each other, too, that’s pretty cool.”

Gordon hadn’t looked away from the cork board, his only move was to sip from his can.

The feeling that Barney was being ignored started to nag at him, but he shook it off.

It was understandable, maybe Barney came off a little aggressive. Maybe something friendlier would be better?

He didn’t want to accidentally scare Gordon off with the impression he was gonna haze him or something.

“My name’s Barney, Barney Calhoun. If there’s anything you need--”

  
Gordon’s hand raised suddenly, interrupting him. He sniffed the air with a perplexed expression on his face, his eyebrows furrowed in thought. He turned around, eyebrows flying up in a picturesque startled face. He urgently pointed behind Barney.

“What?” Barney turned around to follow Gordon’s gaze.

A plume of acrid smoke greeted him from the microwave, something lighting and flashing dangerously as it spun on the plate.

“Fucking -- Christ, I forgot to add the water again, shit, let me just--” He tried to grab the microwave macaroni, but burnt his hand and instead dropped the cup, spilling it all over the kitchen counter in the process, charred cheese goop creating a sticky, boiling mess.

“Nice going, Calhoun!” Glenn taunted from the lunch table, having watched the whole thing like it was the best movie of the summer. Barney stuck up his middle finger at him while he leaned over to grab some paper towels.

“Uh, sorry about that, Gordon--” He began to apologize, but when he looked up Gordon had apparently long gone.

“Yeah, your new  _ boyfriend _ left five minutes ago.” Glenn taunted. Barney dumped the soiled paper towels directly into Glenn’s salad and high-tailed it out of there, scurrying back to his post next to the door, which was thankfully a fair way’s off.

He snickered to himself at the angry swearing that trailed out of the break room.

He quickly dusted himself off upon seeing a scientist approach, hoping no burnt cheese or pasta got stuck on his uniform. Last thing he needed was a write-up for ‘improper dress’ again.

As they got closer, Barney felt his heart jutter.

_ Of course _ , it was Gordon, needing to be let through.

First day, and already a higher clearance level than Barney. That’s the way of the scientist, alright.

The reflection in the door told him his expression was clear of anxiety (unlike his stomach), so he made sure his voice matched, “I’ll let ya right on through, Doc.”

He wanted to make up for the macaroni disaster as well as the failed banter - he wasn’t a total buffoon, contrary to what some people would have you think, and he wanted to give one last shot at proving it to Gordon.

Gordon’s expression revealed nothing as he nodded again in understanding; Barney walked to the retinal scanner and scanned himself through (he always hated the bright, flashing lights, it strained his eyes and always exacerbated any migraines brought on by the fluorescents.)   
  


“ **_Access Denied_ ** .” the speaker on it said in that grating VOX, loudly and robotically, as if it was trying to broadcast it to the whole damn facility.

“Uh. That’s not supposed to happen.”

He tried again and again, but, still, the voice rang out. If Black Mesa had just hired some damn tech support like he’d been asking, this wouldn’t happen all the time!

“Uhh, Tony, can you come here? I think the scanner’s busted again, need your help.” He murmured into his pager. The broken machine didn’t fix itself, even when he gave it his best glare. Damn.

_ “Sorry, Calhoun, I’m in Sector G. Some scientists fried their computers and wanted me to fix it, the usual. I’ll send Glenn over, though, he’s close. Make sure you two play nice, I can’t shovel you out of another write-up!” _

A groan threatened to escape his lips at the thought of having to see Glenn again and face whatever retaliation that weird little man would bring.

He remembered Gordon’s presence just in time - He tried to save face, “Hahaha, you know how things are. Don’t know how this whole place hasn’t crashed down around us!” Barney said quickly. His hand scratched at the back of his neck, an old nervous habit he hadn’t managed to get rid of yet.

By the look on Gordon’s face, he did not seem to know how things were. His eyebrows were furrowed in a way that could either be concern or annoyance.

“I-It’ll just take a moment, he’s on his way. ETA of like, five minutes.” Barney continued in an attempt to reassure the man.

Reading expressions was never his strong suit, and he didn’t know Gordon well enough to get a read on that stoic visage.

He twiddled his thumbs nervously, staring at the tiled flooring.

He hoped Gordon didn’t think of him as some cocksure loser. He just wanted to have another buddy to get a beer with or something, someone to play video games with. (He’d tried, once, with Eli. He’d gotten motion sick and had to lie down. How do you get motion sickness from _ Mario?? _ ).

He vaguely hoped Gordon hadn’t become a completely different person between the time he worked with Kleiner and now - heaven knows AnoMat already had plenty of rudeness to go around.

He deigned to cast his eyes towards Gordon, who seemed to be.. Looking at a vent shaft, inquisitively?

Gordon looked to Barney, and carefully, clearly, signed, “Can you boost me up?”

Barney was thankful he took a few ASL lessons, it only took him a couple seconds to translate it in his head.

“Yeah, yeah, sure!” he said, perhaps a bit too eager to show off the fact he understood. “They’re great for getting around, just try and avoid the fans.”

Gordon smiled; a bright, beaming thing that split his face and crinkled his actually, very vivid green, it turns out, eyes at the corners.

Barney had known from a few pictures proudly placed around Kleiner’s office what Gordon looked like, but it was another thing entirely to see it in person.

Heat rose painfully to his cheeks ( _ damn it, Barney, you’re 26, not 12 _ ), but he ducked his head and leaned over in the universal piggy-back stance.

Gordon’s shoe met his back firmly, and he began to unscrew the vent cover with a swiss army knife he apparently had on him the whole time.

Huh, didn’t know that was alright to have in the facility. Then again, scientists got away with a lot of shit.

Gordon swayed dangerously a few times, but a quick intake of breath signified clear triumph, and he heard the grate clatter onto the linoleum a couple feet away from him. The weight on his back lessened as he heard Gordon climb into the vents.

Barney stood up straight and cracked his back. Man, he was gonna feel  _ that  _ tomorrow. Every day the reality of aging made itself more and more known.

It was worth it, though, when Gordon shot him a thumbs up (one which he reciprocated eagerly), and nimbly crawled further into the vents, the clangs and clunks slowly getting softer.

Soon the vent grate on the other side of the wall shot out and hit the floor, followed by Gordon himself. Fluffy grey dust was smeared on his hair, hands, and knees, but his expression remained triumphant.

Quickly, he dusted himself off and opened the door from the other side, holding it for Barney. 

He curtseyed like a lady from one of those period dramas his sister always watched, gaining an amused eye roll. He hoped it wasn’t the last.

He was about to say something, a witty retort maybe, when he heard footsteps start to round the corner.

It was Glenn - he could tell from the stomping. Also, the fact he could already hear Glenn’s voice calling after him.

Barney shot Gordon a half-conspiratorial glance, complete with a theatrical ‘shush’ gesture, and quickly rounded the curve of the hallway, trying to get out of shouting-range.

Gordon walked right next to him, matching his pace perfectly.

He was too new to truly understand the horror that was an anger-fueled Glenn ranting at you for ten minutes straight, but Barney’s reaction was warning enough.

“Damn it, Calhoun!” Glenn’s shout of frustration rapidly quietened with the distance and only got softer as Barney entered a currently-unused lab, Gordon in tow.

A look passed between them, before they burst into laughter. Barney laughed loudly and unabashedly, while Gordon’s shoulders shook silently and his face smushed up.

Half a minute passed before they slowly, still giggling every few seconds, returned to normal.

“Man, at least we were in that together.” Barney snorted.

Gordon’s hands raised in the start of a reply, but his pager rang out. He looked at Barney apologetically.

“Sorry, have to get to the lab. Lunch tomorrow?” He signed hurriedly, trying to straighten out his lab coat, getting rid of the last traces of dust.

He smiled at Barney one last time, before quickly turning and hauling ass down the hallway, pausing before the cross-roads to double check his mental map of the place.

“YEAH! HEY, CATCH ME LATER, AND I’LL BUY YOU A BEER, TOO!” Barney shouted after Gordon, the vibrations bouncing off the walls. The response came in the form of a thumbs-up extended around the corner, which quickly retreated along with the sound of hurried footsteps.

Barney smiled to himself, happiness unfurling in his chest.

The rest of the shift was easy to bear, much more so than usual.

When Kleiner called him later to ask how he went, he was surprised how much good he could say.

It was cliche, but Barney was pretty sure this was the start of a beautiful friendship.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter contains a brief scene that might be uncomfortable for people with emetophobia! to skip it, stop reading at "He could do this." and start reading at "He called in for someone".
> 
> fun fact: i was originally going to mention the fact kleiner did keg stands in college but i couldn't fit that anywhere that sounded good so i just left it out. just wanted to let you know
> 
> im not sure why it's such a long chapter but i hope you enjoy it!! <3

The dark would have made it hard to distinguish Gordon’s signs, but the bright flashes from the TV lit everything up, including his exasperated expression as he watched the movie; a relatively recent sci-fi flick, Armageddon.

“That’s not how that works! Then there would just be two asteroids hitting Earth!” Gordon’s signs devolved into frustrated gesturing, before giving up and running a hand through his hair in agitation.

Barney snorted loudly, “Maybe if you sign harder they’ll notice ya,” 

Gordon was about to reply, when another moment caught his attention. The flurry of signs started anew, Barney hardly able to keep up.

“I mean, if it really bugs you, we could change it to something else. You never saw Alien, right? That’s a  _ classic _ .”

Gordon looked at him, “No. We  _ have  _ to finish this one.” The expression on his face was one of steely determination.

“Alright, that’s your choice. Just remember you had the choice to stop.” Barney leaned over and cupped a hand to his mouth, whispering to Gordon, “I hear the director, this Michael Bay guy? He has a bunch of other movies  _ just. Like. This. _ ”

The expression that appeared on Gordon’s face made Barney lean back and laugh loudly. The mixture of total horror and of morbid interest glimmering in his eyes was as horrified as it was endearing.

_ Endearing..? _ Barney shoveled more popcorn into his mouth. No time to think about that.

He made loud, probably not scientifically-accurate-but-very-enthusiastic-nonetheless criticisms of the movie right alongside Gordon. Eventually he wasn’t even paying attention to the sounds and lights in the slightest, opting instead to watch Gordon’s reactions.

The subtle twitch downwards of his eyebrows, the grimaces whenever someone said or did something particularly atrocious, the furious signs filled with half-aborted words, they were much more entertaining. Barney was content to bury himself deeper under the blanket. He gradually shifted from sitting to lying down, his head supported by the arm rest.

Every time he closed his eyes it took a monumental effort to open them again. Gordon wouldn’t mind if he had a little nap, right?

~~~

Gradually, he woke up. The dryness in his mouth was intense, but was overpowered by the disgusting taste of morning breath. He’d obviously forgotten to brush his teeth last night.

He didn’t remember falling asleep - what time was it..? Briefly rummaging around underneath him to try and find it, his cell flipped open to first reveal several messages from his roommate, Doug.

‘not going 2 b back 2nite miller got a ps2 thx ttyl’

That explains why he slept so comfortably without being woken up at two in the morning.

He looked at the clock - it was 7 am, luckily on a Saturday.

Man, he hoped Gordon had gotten home alright. He’d have to send him a text later to apologize- he must’ve been way more tired than he thought.

Joints popped and cracked loudly as he stood up and stretched himself out, hoping he didn’t permanently ruin his posture.

He stretched while he was at it, trying to jog some feeling into his limbs.

He padded into the kitchen to get some breakfast - he was  _ starving _ . Some coffee sounded amazing, too; good strong stuff to offset the lingering tiredness pricking at him, trying to convince him to go back to sleep.

The mug cabinet’s door creaked open. He fumbled around for a moment to grab his favourite cup, and almost dropped it when he turned around and saw Gordon hunched over the stovetop, a spatula in hand.

“Jesus, Gordon! Nearly scared me half to death.” He clutched his chest dramatically, hopefully covering up how much that actually frightened him.

Gordon looked minimally apologetic - he smiled grimly. “It used to be an omelette, but the way it’s looking, we’re having scrambled eggs.” He signed with one hand, looking resentfully into the pan.

It looked better than anything Barney could make, though that’s not saying much. The macaroni incident is something Gordon still teased him for even a couple months later, and it only increased when Gordon realized it wasn’t even the first time Barney had done it.

“You could feed me  _ anything  _ right now and I’d probably wolf it right down. Coffee?”

Gordon nodded appreciatively.

The mug he picked out for Gordon looked good next to his own - a periodic table and a little cartoon alien side-by-side. Fact and .. also fact.

While he was at it, he set down a couple of plates and forks for them, and put a few slices of bread in the toaster.

Gordon always liked his toast burnt to hell and back - Barney had asked him why once, but the only answer he got was a noncommittal “crunchy” and a loose shrug of his shoulders.

The coffee machine grumbled dangerously and raspily as it started working on the drinks. 

Barney thought he should probably clean it at some point as he sat down at the tiny, rickety dining table.

The only time the table, a cheap plastic thing that came with the place, ever really got used was the few times Gordon and him ate together or whenever Eli, Azian, and Kleiner stopped by for game night.

Alone, he and Doug ate in their respective rooms, usually take-out of some description.

Leaning back in his chair, watching Gordon eventually give up and add another egg into the pan to try and coagulate everything together, it struck him just how domestic this feels.

His face flushed at the thought - it’s not as though he’s never dated or lived with anyone, no; this just feels so much  _ different _ .

Gordon and him just click, somehow. The best way to make Gordon laugh was actually something he’d learned early on, and he’d taken great delight in trying to make Gordon smile as often as possible. Who knew the stoic scientist he met was a huge fan of the worst puns he could think of?

Occasionally he’d get to watch the premature stress lines and tense shoulders melt away as he laughed at a dumb joke Barney had made, countering quickly with one of his own.

There’s a way Gordon looks at him, too, where he can tell that every one of his words was being actually listened to and taken in.

The first day Gordon had switched to hair ties from his previously-used elastic bands after Barney had mentioned offhandedly that they were bad for his hair, he’d had to take a quick bathroom break to yell at himself in the mirror to  _ pull himself together, damnit _ !   
  


He made an effort to do the same for Gordon, too. He didn’t want to mess this up.

A heavy stack of books and DVDs on ASL for dummies from the Black Mesa library had been checked out as soon as he learned Gordon was gonna be working with him. The bookmark tab on his PC was filled with much the same, multiplying by the week.

Lately he’d been making an effort to sign along with his speech to try and get into practice - it was slow-going, but Gordon helped out by correcting his form and filling in words where he’d forget.

His attention was abruptly brought to the fact that Gordon had taken the pan off the heat, and he deliberately thought about what work he’d have to do on Monday, instead.

If Gordon noticed his face was still pink by the time he served the eggs, he didn’t say anything.

~~~

A few weeks later, Barney’s hand rubbed at the back of his neck as he looked over what could only be generously called ‘cake batter’.

Eli had put  _ him  _ in charge of preparing Alyx’s 3rd birthday cake for some god-forsaken reason, obviously having forgotten every time Barney had been let near a kitchen.

He wasn’t a scientist, but he was pretty sure that cake batter wasn’t supposed to be steaming before it even went into the oven - wait, no, that was some sort of ominous smoke.

A couple of windows were quickly opened to try and offset any chemical reactions he was breathing in, and he dumped the sad attempt down the drain as his free hand quickly texted a plea for reinforcements. Well, reinforcement.

~~~

‘hy grdn cn u cm ov 2 m plc l8r 2 bk ck 4 alyx ty ttyl’

‘What? But sure.’

~~~

“ _ Calhoun _ .” signed weary hands. Gordon’s expression was grave.

Gordon had hardly been in Barney’s apartment for five minutes before visibly despairing at the sight of things. Barney’s pretty sure he heard an actual gasp of horror.

To be fair, there were mounds of flour on the  _ couch  _ for some reason - across the house from the kitchen!

“Also, we have to get this done in the next three hours. It’s for Alyx, remember?”

Gordon whipped around to stare incredulously at Barney, who merely shrugged and scratched the back of his neck.

“I kinda forgot.”

“You mean you procrastinated until the last minute.”

Barney shrugged again. “Eh, can’t be helped now. Let’s get to cookin’, Doc, c’mon! I even bought you a specialty apron.”

An apron that said  _ “AH - the element of surprise!”  _ was brandished in Barney’s left hand.

Gordon sighed again. “Let’s get to cooking,” he agreed, and put on his apron.

~~~

No matter how many times Gordon was in his house, Barney was never prepared. He slotted into the environment so naturally and cleanly, it was like he was always meant to be there; an embarrassing thought, but one Barney stood by.

He had come to terms with the fact that he might not feel solely platonically towards the guy a couple of days ago following the realization that he’d just spent  _ another  _ late night thinking about what he could do tomorrow that would make Gordon laugh the most, followed by fondly reminiscing on all the times he’d made Gordon laugh in the past..

Hell, he considered himself a normal, pretty rational guy, but he’d freaked out over  _ toothbrushes  _ the other day.

Gordon comes over for movie night once a week or so, and recently had started crashing on Barney’s couch instead of making the long trek back to his dormitories late at night.

Barney had figured, ‘ _ hey, since he stays over so often, why not get him his own toiletries? _ ’ and picked up the general necessities from Black Mesa’s own convenience store.

That had then evolved into a silent crisis that kept him up until four AM wondering if that was too forward of him. The toothbrush had come close to being stashed in his sock drawer before Gordon saw it a few times out of embarrassment.

What if Gordon figured out that Barney wasn’t straight? What kind of straight guy cared about his friend’s dental health?

(In the end, Gordon was delighted. “I should keep a pair of pyjamas here,” he remarked. Barney laughed maybe a bit too loudly.)

Sitting at the same table as last time, Barney watched as Gordon looked through the stained recipe.

Sunlight was filtering through the window and catching in his hair, making vivid oranges and yellows spring to life. It was a few inches past his shoulders now, tied up in an alien-print hair tie he’d begrudgingly accepted from Barney, and it was incredibly soft. (Barney had accidentally felt it once when he slung an arm around Gordon’s shoulders and refuses to believe there’s any conditioner that could do all  _ that _ .)

Barney dragged himself back to the present - he had a cake to make, damnit!

He could (and, most likely  _ will _ ) worry about this later.

“What’s your professional opinion here, Gordy, what’s the diagnosis? I called you up ‘cause baking’s like a science, right? If anyone would be able to help, it’s you.” Strutting over to Gordon, he took the recipe to read it himself, even though it wouldn’t help him.

“Barney, I have a degree in theoretical physics, not chemistry.” He signed, continuing to read the recipe over Barney’s shoulder.

“Pfft, why don’t you physics this cake into being made, then?” Barney scoffed, and pulled out the last clean mixing bowl from the cabinet.

“I..” Gordon trailed off, not even starting to correct Barney’s sentence. “Anyway, it says the first step is to cream together the butter and sugar.”

“Alright, awesome. Here’s the sugar, and..” He snatched the container of butter from the table and placed it next to the sugar, “here’s the butter!”

Gordon studied the container of sugar thoughtfully.

“What’s wrong? It’s not the fancy stuff, but,  _ hey _ , it’s what Black Mesa stocks. Don’t shoot the messenger and all that.”

“Barney, this is aquarium salt.”

“Oh.”

~~~

“I think this looks pretty good, eh, Doc?” Barney said, looking proudly at their creation.

Gordon nodded. He looked thoughtful.

“I.. kind of don’t want to eat it. It’d be like eating our child.” He said.

Barney laughed, “You’re kind of right. Look, the frosting smudge here looks like a little smiley face. It’s like it’s saying ‘nooo don’t eat meee’,” he laughed, his voice raising high-pitched in an approximation of what the cake would sound like.

Gordon nudged Barney’s shoulder, “Morbid. Should we take some photos to remember her by?”

Barney snorted, “Yeah, sure.” He put his arm around Gordon’s shoulder and posed in front of the cake, “Smile!”

The flash shone briefly. They checked out the photo - Gordon was mid-blink, and Barney wasn’t even looking at the camera, a nearby fly having caught his attention instead.

“It’s perfect.” Gordon signed firmly, and Barney nodded.

“C’mon. Let’s pack our kid up and head to Eli’s. Man, I haven’t seen Alyx in  _ forever _ , I miss her.”

  
“You saw her last week, we both did.”

“...”

~~~

Gordon rang the doorbell with his one free hand (the other clutching their shared gift for Alyx), Barney’s hands preoccupied with very gingerly and gently carrying the cake.

It’s not like the piping would be any less legible if it got smudged in transit (Barney didn’t know frosting melted  _ that easily _ ..), but it was more about the principle of the thing.

Azian opened the door. They could see Kleiner and Eli sitting at a coffee table in the background, drawing with Alyx.

“You’re here! Alyx has been asking after you two non-stop. Set the cake down here.” She led them inside.

The two men looked up and waved at them, which in turn made Alyx look up.

She scrambled to her feet and ran to them, Barney scooping her up and resting her on his hip once the cake was firmly set on the counter. She was wearing her dad’s old Black Mesa hoodie, way too many sizes big for her, and clutching her new drawing.

“Look!” she shoved it in Gordon’s face. He took it from her, and showed it to Barney.

It was an adorably-done drawing of Eli, Azian, and her, as well as her favourite toy right now, which was a real, actual test tube Azian had brought home from the lab. 

“Wow, Alyx, that’s really cool!” Barney gushed. Alyx motioned to be let down.

She comically screwed up her face in recollection, before signing a clumsy but very heartfelt ‘happy birthday’. Eli and Azian had started teaching her ASL when she was just a baby, and it seems like every time they meet her she knows some more.

Gordon beamed, and signed it back to her. Alyx laughed, and ran to her mom, wanting a look at the cake.

“So, Gordon, how’s the calculations for the spectrometer looking? I heard from Breen it’s so far very interesting.” Kleiner called to him. Gordon looked physically pained.

Eli laughed, “Don’t tease the poor man, Izzy. C’mere, we’re about to do presents.”

~~~

“And then, I said,  _ rectum? I hardly knew him! _ ”

“Azian!” Barney was both scandalized and doubling over in laughter.

Alyx had gone to bed an hour ago, and they had busted out some drinks from the fridge. The remnants of their game of UNO were left forgotten on the table (though Azian was clearly about to win), and the lights had been dimmed.

Gordon was looking flushed and unfocused, munching on some goldfish crackers left from the party, while Kleiner was sprawled on the couch with one of Alyx’s stuffed animals over his eyes and a half-empty glass of water balanced precariously on the arm rest.

“Azian, darling, have I ever told you how much I love you?” Eli’s voice was cracking with laughter from the story, and he looked at his wife with an expression of pure love.

She smiled back at him, equally adoringly.

“Good God, is that the time?” he interrupted himself, having caught sight of his wristwatch. 

Gordon looked at his phone, and his eyes widened. Barney slung himself over Gordon’s shoulder, perhaps unnecessarily, to take a look, too - It was almost one in the morning.

“Don’t you have a shift tomorrow, Barney?”

Barney waved a hand noncommittally “I’ll figure it out.” He really didn’t want to get up - he was warm and comfortable, with snacks in reach. What more could a guy ask for, really?

Kleiner sounded from the couch - a surprise, really, since Barney had written him off as  _ ‘passed out’ _ fifteen minutes ago. “If you’re going home, Barney, I’ll go, too. This was a very, ahem, enriching, experience, but I’m not sure I’ll be out of bed at any point in the next three days if I continue.” He tried to stand up but wobbled dangerously like a newborn fawn, almost falling onto the table.

Eli snorted, “The guest bedroom is free, Izzy.”

“..Thank you.”

Kleiner staggered to Azian and Eli’s guest bedroom, bid his goodbyes, and headed in. Barney was pretty sure he could hear him snoring almost as soon as the door was closed. He laughed - lightweight.

“I should probably head out, too.” Any attempt to stand up he might have made was soon aborted - Gordon was asleep on his shoulder, snoring softly.

“Uh.” Barney drawing a blank, entirely unsure of what to do. With Azian’s help, they managed to shuffle Gordon into a piggyback position, Barney tenuously managing to hold on.

With enough momentum, he could probably avoid collapsing. Probably.

“Thanks Eli, Azian, this was really nice. Are we still on for pizza next Thursday?”

“Definitely - I’ll bring that book I was talking about, too, the one about the lizards?” Eli said, bidding him farewell. Azian waved goodbye from where she remained, seated at the coffee table.

“See ya!”

The door closed, and the task of getting back to his room weighed on him - quite literally, actually, his arms were already feeling the first signs of fatigue.

The fact that there were _still_ people around and about at 1 am on a Sunday morning made it even more of a challenge - Hell, he even ran into _Breen_ at one point! Having to make small talk with someone who could get you fired while you were fighting one (or two or three..) too many beers and carrying someone could probably be classified as a new torture method.

After what seemed like years, he finally stumbled to his door. It seemed like his keys just didn’t want to go in the lock; he scraped and all but massaged them against the lock for at least two minutes before Doug opened the door.

It was obvious he’d just woken up - the looming stubble and eyebags were very telling.

He took one look at Barney, and another at the sleeping man on his back, and decided to mind his own business. He turned around and headed to his own room. What a good roommate.

Barney finally, thankfully, dumped Gordon on the couch, and arranged him in a way that wouldn’t totally mangle his joints in the morning. He shook out his arms - yeesh, he’d feel  _ that _ .

Fighting off the urge to just go to bed, he ran his toothbrush lazily around his mouth, and forced himself to chug a cup of water, willing himself to keep it down. He stripped quickly and got into bed, where he fell asleep almost instantly.

The next morning, he saw Gordon staring blankly at the wall from his seat at the dining table.

“You look like shit.” garnered a solemn nod. Hey, Barney could relate - he didn’t feel much better. Probably didn’t look it, either.

Waving goodbye to Gordon, he tried to put on a brave face for the day. He  _ wished  _ he’d planned ahead and scheduled tomorrow off like everyone else had. Whatever! Just had to get through 12 hours. That was like watching Armageddon 5 times. He could do this.

~~~

_ He could not, in fact, do this. _ This conclusion came to him while horking up the toast he’d choked down this morning in the men’s bathroom, hoping to god that he was alone.

Breen’s face greeted him for the second time that week as he trudged to the sink.What Barney was offered was likely supposed to be a sympathetic smile, but it looked more like a grimace.

He called in for someone to take his shift and made the journey back to his place again. Gordon was still sitting at the table - honestly, he looked like he hadn’t moved an inch for the total four hours Barney was gone. Maybe he hadn’t. Gordon was eerily good at staying totally still for long periods of time.

Wordlessly, Barney ordered a  _ very  _ greasy pizza and put on the TV, some mindless talk show.

They sat together on the couch the rest of the day without moving, camaraderie found in the fact they were both about two inches from upchucking at any given moment. Hey, at least they were in this together.

It was pretty good pizza.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading! every comment and kudos is fuel for the next chapter.. let me know what you thought! :-)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> May 16th.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello!! sorry it's been a while since i've update <:D i hope the next chapter will be up sooner than this one was :-)! no matter what, this fic WILL get finished!!
> 
> with that said, this chapter is definitely one of, if not the heaviest in the fic? it takes place during the resonance cascade and all that entails.  
> it's all canon-typical stuff (draws directly on events that happened during blue shift), but since it goes into detail about barney's feelings during it, it might be upsetting to people. if you really don't think you can handle it, that's okay! stop reading once barney gets into the elevator, and skip to the end notes. i'll provide a description of the stuff you missed! :-)
> 
> i wrote this while listening to various piercing alarm noises, bumblebee by bambee, and tommy's party by peach pit. that's not really recommended listening i just wanted to mention that.  
> i hope you enjoy!! <3

Barney pounded on the door. Getting written up for being late again is the last thing his job needs.

“Damnit, Calhoun, I told you it’d take a sec! Hold your horses!” scolded the voice from the other side.

Barney grumbled a few less-than-savoury words and leaned on the wall.

Just like everyone else in his dormitory, Otis’ alarm had woken him up. Lord knows how that man can even hear anymore - the thing blares so loud it damn near registers on the Richter scale.

Everyone was grumpy and crotchety in the way usually reserved for only the most uptight scientists - hell, every machine in Black Mesa seemed to be miserable, too.

After the third time trying and failing to work the coffee pot he’d come dangerously close to just going back to bed and giving up.

The only reason he hadn’t was because Gordon had texted him at 7 in a state of blind panic. Apparently, for some godforsaken reason, they decided to change the specimen they were testing at the last moment. Sigh. The boldness and stupidity of academia never ceased to amaze him.

The lack of railing on the platform made it easy to sit down, his legs hanging off the edge of it.

If Gordon were here, he’d be losing it - the guy’s been trying to get OSHA on Black Mesa’s ass for  _ weeks _ , now.

Honestly, it absolutely wasn’t safe, but watching Gordon freak out about Barney being so close to the edge was way more fun than the endless paperwork that’d come with actually doing anything about it.

A gust of wind ruffles his hair. With it, came the faint but familiar monotone of the Black Mesa transit system voice.

Speak of the devil. Barney hopped back to his feet, dusting his pants of the miscellaneous rocks and dirt he’d picked up. Gordon was waving at him excitedly; something in Barney’s chest twinged funnily as he realizes that Gordon’s worn his nice, shiny new lab coat for the day. His expression was tired, but his eyes were shining with excitement.

Barney cupped his hands to his mouth, “GOOD LUCK IN THE TEST CHAMBER, BUDDY!!” he hollered at the top of his lungs.

In the back window of the tram car, he could see Gordon’s quickly receding form sign ‘see you tonight!’

A giddiness overtook him, and he couldn't help but pace around the platform a few times to shake off the excess energy. 

Man, what he wouldn’t give to be there with him! Of course, he has no scientific training and would maybe like to have kids someday so he wouldn’t  _ actually  _ like to be in the test chamber - but still, the sentiment stands strong.

He’s hung around Gordon doing lab work a few times; the guy’s basically a different person when he’s in his element, a potent combination of muscle memory and a deep knowledge of exactly what he needs to do and how made every movement decisive and precise.

  
  


A cheer of triumph came muffled from behind the door. There were a few more beeps, a slightly concerning electrical noise, and the door slid slowly open, stuttering at a few points.

“Sorry for the wait, Calhoun, you know how everything’s been today.”

Barney nodded grimly. He hoped things were different in the test chamber...

“So. How’s it going with Gordon?” The guard asked, smiling wryly.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Barney promptly fled the area before the conversation could continue.

~~

The sight of his newly-redecorated locker garnered a smile from him.

A couple weeks ago he’d finally gotten cooperation from his roommate, and together they deep-cleaned their apartment. The closets and various junk cabinets were gutted and most of the miscellaneous crap was thrown out, but he found some photos he’d stashed in his sock drawer and then forgotten about.

  
The first two were sun-bleached with other signs of wear and tear, but the last two were newer. They were of him and his friends, with the last one finally including Gordon.

The last photo was the only one taken without anyone’s knowledge - he’d snapped a picture of everyone mid-conversation, the golden light of the sunset illuminating their features.

Gordon was mid laugh as Eli and Azian were telling an anecdote. Between them, Alyx was stealing from fries, while Kleiner was less than a second from spilling his drink everywhere.

All four of the photos were on display in his locker, tacked next to the ones of his old college buddies and his sister.

  
  


He pulled on his vest and helmet and greeted the man working one of the desks.

The news that the guard brought him dampened his mood a bit - he had to go fix some elevators all the way in Sector G.

The emergency toolbox was currently in use, and so was the backup emergency toolbox - that left Barney with the third backup emergency toolbox, which was really just a wrench, screwdriver, and hammer in a plastic MesaMart bag.

A helpful scientist at the tram platform informed him that the transit system was down all around the facility, and he’d have to go on foot if he needed to get anywhere fast, which was just peachy.

A tram car passed by, carrying a man in a suit. His gaze seemed mocking, somehow.

~~

It always felt.. Wrong, almost forbidden, whenever he went through the parts of Black Mesa that weren’t specifically meant for people. The stained concrete and wooden shipping crates seemed to decrease the space into a claustrophobic tunnel system, and every shadow seemed like it might house a scientist about to write him up for being in an area he hadn’t the clearance for.

Thankful that he at least arrived faster than expected, he opened the last door and entered Sector G. The fluorescent lighting was much harsher here, a stark contrast to the anemic lighting his eyes had grown used to.

The elevator was directly around the corner, one of the ones that saw the most foot traffic in this part of the building.

“Well, it’s about time. We don’t pay you people to  _ mosey around _ at your own convenience. Make this thing  _ work  _ so we can get  _ on  _ with our miserable day.” sneered the scientist - he was even tapping his foot in a comical display of annoyance. There were two men in the elevator, but the other remained graciously silent.

The access panel opened up easily, and he started fiddling around with some wires, hoping to see where the issue lay. Man, if OSHA could see him now. Calling someone to temporarily shut off the power there was more trouble than it was worth, though, so he elected to just be careful and try not to die.

Ah - thankfully, it was just an unflipped switch, nothing he’d have to bust out the rubber gloves for. He flipped it, and the elevator started up, whirring to life. The safety gates closed with an ear-piercing squeak; he should probably get someone to oil those hinges at some point.

Hoping to avoid any more conversation with that scientist, Barney turned around to stare out the window, watching the passing concrete. The ride was significantly more bumpy than he remembered it being, but that was easily written off as just some unexplained technical difficulties, like everything else that went wrong.

Suddenly, it ground to a halt, leaving Barney to stare at the twirling lights of the hallway.

The VOX announcement system sounded off suddenly - it was something that was a part of his daily life, but it always struck fear into his heart. He just knew one day it’d rasp out “ _ BARNEY CALHOUN, REPORT TO ADMINISTRATOR OFFICE IMMEDIATELY _ ” and he’d be called up and fired for some minor offense. He willed his goosebumps to settle down. He didn’t want the scientist behind him to have even  _ more  _ ammo.

The VOX was unintelligible over the sound of that scientist bellyaching; he hoped it wasn’t anything vital. Didn’t want to miss a meeting because some guy was taking his bad day out on the world.

The elevator started again, but soon stopped, and shook dangerously. Was it an earthquake? It was shaking like a newborn fawn, so much so that they had to hold on to the railing, lest they fall over.

Barney was suddenly uncomfortably aware there was an unknown amount of dead air directly below them. The only thing keeping them alive was the very equipment that kept malfunctioning.

Metal lurched and crunched around them - no, no, no matter how messed up things are today, _that is not a sound that should happen,_ ever, _especially_ not when they’re in an elevator.

Barney was not a man that cried often, but tears of pure terror pricked to life in the corner of his eyes. Was this it?

The other two men felt much the same, judging by their expressions. The man that had berated Barney earlier let out a pathetic, terrified whimper.

The elevator crawled further down the shaft slowly, tentatively, like a cat before the kill. Behind the glass, balls of lightning flashed to life in the air, klaxons were blaring.

A scientist in the hall closest to the elevator was visibly trembling even from the distance Barney observed him. Another ball of electricity manifested in front of him - Along with it, a biped that was definitely not human dropped out of thin air.

The scientist ran screaming out of the room, pursued by a jolt of green lightning that snuffed out a scream.

A scream directed Barney’s attention to the right hand side. Below him, a scientist was being hunted by a couple of definitely-not-dogs, nipping at his heels as they ran out of the room.

Someone followed with their sidearm out, hoping to help. Their mustache was uncomfortably familiar - it was Glenn.

He shot at the tripedal dog-creatures, but was suddenly hit by a train carrying boxes as well as another security guard. It flew off the rails, spilling its cargo everywhere. Explosions rang out, shattering the elevator’s glass. The ensuing tinnitus blocked out the rest of the noises, something Barney was distantly grateful for.

  
He realized he was on the floor - evidently, his knees had given out at some point, though  _ when  _ was anyone’s guess. Irrationally, his only coherent thought was  _ ‘someone should sweep here sometime, there’s a wrapper on the floor.’ _

In front of him, the scientist that had previously scolded him was crumpled on the floor, lifeless. Was Barney the last person he ever talked to? He didn’t know the man’s name, but he felt like moving to check was a very bad idea. How would he tell the man’s family? He hoped they would understand.

The other had his head in his hands, the whites of his eyes shining in the dim light. What was his name? Would this man die, too?

Would Barney be next? Would he join them, suddenly dead and crumpled and nameless in a pile with the hundreds of others that would likely die?

Where was Gordon? The dead scientist mentioned something about this stemming from AnoMat - was Gordon in the epicenter? Did his best friend die alone in a test chamber somewhere, while he was busy worrying over  _ elevators? _

Maybe if he pinches himself, he’ll wake up. This isn’t real. This can’t possibly be real. This is stuff that only happens in the shittiest, cheesiest science fiction; the kind that you finish and immediately forget about. Yeah. He’s gonna wake up and be fine. Any second now his conscious brain will stir and seize control and he’ll wake up on the couch next to Gordon, safe and sound, and they’ll laugh about it, how unrealistic it was.

His hands were shaking. The initial onslaught of tinnitus had faded, leaving him privy to the unearthly sounds outside. Sounds nobody should ever have to hear.

He felt the lurch of the elevator in his gut first. A dangerous flip, an instinctual knowledge that he was about to die, that he was falling.

The elevator shuddered dangerously, a last exhale before it plummeted to the Earth below.

~~~

An image slowly appeared in front of him. He felt far away, distant, in so much pain it all canceled out back into a distant fog.

The head trauma left him still coherent enough to understand that in front of him was a fellow security guard being made into a quick meal by one of those not-dogs.

His hindbrain screamed in alarm, filling him with the knowledge that he is next, he needs to move, move,  _ move _ .

He stays firmly in place. His last thought before he succumbs again to comforting unconsciousness is that he hopes his death is quick.

~~~

By the time he’s found Rosenberg, it registers as nothing more than a vague mental checkmark on the to-do list of the day.

_ Find other survivors - check. _

_ Fight off creatures before they kill him - check. _

_ Skulk around the innards of Black Mesa to find an endpoint he’s not sure exists anymore, if it ever did - check. _

Rosenberg’s name shot to the top of the list after the dying scientist informed him about the man. He’d tried to stop the bleeding with one of few medkits strapped around his shoulders, but he was rejected. The man gave him no choice but to leave him be, to die alone in a back office.

_ “Better you than me. You’ve got years in you yet, Calhoun. Don’t waste them,”  _ he’d said, before shooing Barney off.

Rosenberg saying something Barney knows is important based on the tone of voice, the posture; something about the military. 

Barney instead stares at the ground. His consciousness hasn’t felt like his own since the elevator - he can’t pull his focus to any one thing aside from  _ dodge, run, survive. _

The vest and helmet he wears aren’t even his anymore, they fit strangely, too loose on his head but tugging at his arms - he must have gone through at least three pairs at this point, looting them off of his fallen coworkers like some  _ grave robber _ .

He read their name tags, embedded them into his brain as a way to honor them. There’s no time for digging graves when his own death was coming for him around every corner.

The pain wrenches its way back into his focus at this thought - his bullet wounds and miscellaneous scrapes and bruises throb in time with his heartbeat.

He’s long since given up trying to find a way of standing, walking that will make them hurt less. He’s instead elected to ignore them and try to power through.

It’s easier to ignore them when he’s on the run, drowning out every thought that wasn’t the constant internal chanting of  _ survive _ .

  
  


Something touches his shoulder,  _ it’s one of those spiders, here to turn him into one of their puppets,  _ his hindbrain tells him.

His guns are out instantly (not that they were ever  _ ‘away’ _ ), his finger already on the trigger, ready to deal with whatever freakish thing that was here to kill him.

Rosenberg immediately retracted his hand and put them up in a sign of deference. “It’s just me, Calhoun.”

Barney apologized with a quick dip of his head. Rosenberg seemed to understand, at least.

With the help of Rosenberg, Barney hoisted himself out of the hole in the train car’s roof. He dispatched the troops quickly, distantly uncomfortable with himself at how numb he’s grown to the act of killing.

He let Rosenberg out and they continued on their trek to the elevator.

While they were crouching together behind a corner, trying to catch the soldiers unawares, it struck him just how encumbered Rosenberg looked.

Barney understood the feeling.

He’d never really known Rosenberg - they’d met a few times since they were both regulars at Tesla’s Tacos, and he’d heard some anecdotes from Gordon, but that was about it, really.

Apparently, he was a higher-level scientist in AnoMat.

Something within Barney’s chest tried to flicker to life that  _ Rosenberg survived, why not _ \- but it’s quickly extinguished. What did Rosenberg think about the change in specimen? Did that cause this? Did he try to stop it, or was it his idea?

It didn’t really matter, in the end.

A passing thought his brain latched on to, any escape from the present. 

Barney wasn’t capable of producing words right now, at least not coherent ones, so when he and Rosenberg next locked eyes, he tried to produce a comforting smile. Not one that promised everything would be alright, one that said that  _ “Hey, at least we’re in this together.” _

~~~

Xen was terrifying.

At one point he found himself in a cavern with three amphibious creatures.

He regretted not majoring in biology - these things were  _ fascinating _ .

The first two were fine with being touched, poked, and prodded in a vain attempt to stem the flow of curiosity, but the third was more wary.

Upon reaching to pet it, it suddenly teleported away, bringing the other two with it.

Barney frowned slightly. Those were the first few non-openly-hostile creatures he’d seen since the incident. He allowed himself a small laugh, a quick exhale of breath from his nose, as he imagined their faces upon bringing a pet back.

He imagined Gordon’s face.

His smile faded.

The amphibians’ disappearance left an opening to a nest-like structure free, though. The squeaking diverted his attention quickly.

Cautiously, an insect-like creature peeked out. He let it sniff his finger as if it was a weird cat, and it bit him with its bear trap jaws.

Shaking the thing vigorously was the only thing that’d get it off - he hoped it didn’t have alien rabies or something.

That’d just be _great_.

~~~

When he got back to Rosenberg he couldn’t believe he was still alive. The disbelief continued even as he was directed to help operate the teleporter, and intensified when he was actually through.

Rosenberg ran over to him in elation, but it ground to a halt as he realized Barney’s situation.

His vision flashed a sickly green and the ground lurched from under him - he could only summon a  _ ‘yeah, this seems about right.’ _

Death by resonance displacement. That’s a new one.

For one terrible moment, he was back on Xen. The not-wind ruffled his hair and wicked away the sweat from his forehead. The warm glow of the crystals felt mocking.

The ground lurched again - he was in Black Mesa, in a storeroom.

His exhausted body braced for attack as he heard the soldiers’ radio-fuzzy voices.

“Where are we takin’ this Freeman guy?” one said.

What? Freeman?

Barney wrenched his body to the small grate at the top of the room.

The neon orange of the HEV suit greeted him.

A cocktail of hope and happiness and wonder boiled dangerously inside of him - until he heard the mocking “ _ Body? What body? _ ” followed by laughter.

His stomach dropped out of his body. So that was it. Gordon was going to die not because of the test, not because of the incident, but because of two  _ troops _ .

When the resonance displacement settled down and he was situated firmly in the car, it took him an hour and a half until his body shifted out of ‘about to die’ mode.

The effects of the day were still rooted firmly in his body, though - every few seconds he looked out the rear window for any helicopters or tanks or jeeps chasing them, certain that  _ this  _ time there’d be a squad after them.

Every few minutes he took out his gun just to hold them and look at them, to again feel the security they’d brought him.

Now that they weren’t currently in danger, Barney’s mind couldn’t help wander to the topic he’d forbidden himself from thinking about - his friends.

Azian was in the biology department, halfway across the building from Anomalous Materials - he hoped she made it out alright.

Part of him, a tiny, irrational part he couldn’t quite quell was furious with hope that Eli and Kleiner would be alright, but his logical brain understood they probably were.

He knew Gordon’s fate.

He choked back a sob - what about Alyx? Was she okay?

Any attempt to rationalize his feelings or make himself feel better was futile. All he could do was sit in the swamp of his emotions.

He shook with the weight of the day, the grief overcoming his every sense. For the first time since the elevator, the fog lifted temporarily and greeted him with full, racking sobs.

Rosenberg looked over at him from his seat by the window. He placed his hand on Barney’s knee in a small gesture of camaraderie.

Not one that promised everything would be alright, one that said that  _ “Hey, at least we’re in this together.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> description of events: barney fixes the elevator, but when he's in it the resonance cascade happens. three coworkers die, including glenn from the first chapter, and the elevator crashes. he meets rosenberg, gets out, then they leave together. cuts to barney on xen, and he's in the chumtoad cavern. then, he goes through the teleporter and experiences the resonance displacement of the last chapter of blue shift. he sees gordon being dragged by the two soldiers from half life's chapter 9, apprehension. he's convinced gordon died from this. next, he's in the suv driving away from black mesa with rosenberg and co, and he is upset over the presumed deaths of eli, kleiner, alyx, and azian, as well as gordon.
> 
> i hope you enjoyed!! your comments have been the sole thing fueling me you have no idea how much i appreciate all of them..  
> let me know what you thought, and have a nice day!! :-) <3

**Author's Note:**

> this will have 5 chapters, each about 2-3k! maybe the longest thing i've ever written.. updates will be .. hopefully soon! i'm having fun with it so let's hope they're not too far apart! :-)
> 
> this took me a while to do because i felt unmotivated (writer's block...) but i read through some of your comments and that energy has propelled me to power through it! >:D! seriously your guys's support via each kudos, comment, and bookmark has been amazing i may or may not have cried i appreciate it very much..
> 
> let me know what you thought, i hope you enjoyed it!! :-)


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